Age of Lady Kaitlyn: 8 days (Happy 1 week birthday!)
Family,
And a good evening to you from the Queen City, where we've just given the rugrat her second ever bath, and the only words to describe her father's efforts would be EPIC FAIL. For starters, no sooner had the bath commenced (on a waterproof sheet on our bed), then K proceeded to empty THE FLOODGATES KNOWN AS HER BLADDER. Seriously - this child has been alive 7 days and has peed on me EIGHT TIMES. It's almost becoming a bond we share - I clean her, and then she sterilizes me. Quality bonding - who needs kangaroo care when you've got potty humor?
I then moved her to the floor and placed her on a towel (as all father of the year candidates would do), where I proceeded to bathe her in what I thought was warm water. As fate would have it, the Titanic actually sank in warmer water than I was using. But I thought I had finally righted the ship when I put on body lotion, only to realize that I had coated the child in soap - AWESOME. Luckily Muffin Puffin came in and saved the day. Otherwise, poor Kaitlyn would still be screaming (and make no mistake about it - those lungs are fully formed).
So a VERY noteworthy experience to write about from Saturday: the newborn photo shoot. I'm sure anyone who finds this has probably heard of Anne Geddes, the gal who poses newborns into all sorts of hilarious poses. Well, following the advice of Beka Rice, Team Taylor decided that photography was definitely going to be a spot where money would be spent to commemorate this special time. Consequently we booked in for a newborn photo shoot. In a word - WOW - truly one of the most hilarious and entertaining things I have EVER done.
So picture this - you rock up to the photo studio, where you promptly must breastfeed your child for 30 minutes. Why do this, you ask? Well, it's simple - so you can put them in a MILK COMA. I mean, with Kaitlyn, her eyelids get heavy after about 5 minutes, and by 15 her arms are just lifeless. The end result is that you have a six day old carbon based life form who is totally naked and PUTTY in the hands of a trained professional.
Our photographer was AMAZING, and the way she could control that child (who didn't stir for more than 2.5 hours post feeding) was just beyond description. Funny poses, cute outfits, amazing, colors, a bit of photoshop magic, and a whole lot of other stuff (all proprietary, I'm sure) went into it, and Jenny and I cackled for the entire session. Kaitlyn, however, clearly had seen enough of our foolishness, as she managed to pay me back in spades.
Just before the "daddy-daughter" pictures (where I take my shirt off and flex my ginormous muscles...and then the photog airbrushes in a six pack and a jailhouse tat that reads "I heard Muffin Puffin and the Munchkin"), K was starting to get fussy, so we took a break to feed. Faith (the photog) suggests putting a diaper on her, but we opt for a burp cloth instead. Faith goes ahead and puts a towel under here, which is a good thing, since about 45 seconds later she EXPLODES with an epic performance. No problem - we have a good laugh, and then we put another towel down. 2 minutes later? FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!! Yes - deuces wild. Twice.
But she then lapses back into deep sleep, at which time we commence with the daddy-daughter session. So I put her on my chest, bum between my nipples, and Faith counts down "3...2...1..." Kaitlyn clearly thought this meant something else, as she proceeds to BLAST FECES ONTO MY CHEST LIKE IT'S SPRAYING FROM A ROCKET LAUNCHER. My chest hair was a mess of, well...you know.
So we clean me off, at which point we move to photo #2 - me holding her upright, bum in my palm. Faith counts down "3...2...1..." at which point, Kaitlyn BLASTS FECES THROUGH MY FINGERS. Seriously? SERIOUSLY!?!?!? The kid is a machine!
I laughed until I thought my ribs were broken, and on the whole those 3 hours COULD NOT have been more fun. Can't wait to see the pics!
On other fronts, at present we can't get K to gain weight. She's holding at 5 pounds & 15 ounces, and so we've officially ratcheted up the feeding schedule. It's rough for JT, as she's having to feed and pump, but so far she's been an amazing trooper and an even more amazing mother. Honestly, could my wife be any more perfect? As for me, I'm finally getting the chance to feed her, which is making me feel good because I feel like I'm contributing/helping to this most crucial of tasks. We're on a strict 3 hour schedule at present, and Jenny's getting 90 minutes of sack time as I write this (I opted for food instead because, well, I'm fat). We've got 2 doctor's appointments this week, as well as two next week to continue tracking progress, and all doctors seem very confident that we'll start moving in the right direction soon. I'm not concerned either, as so far our child has been the very definition of resilient. I am a proud papa. :-)
Love,
Sam and Jenny
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